Romance scams are emotional heists. They don’t start with a ski mask. They start with "Hey, beautiful" and end with a drained bank account. As a fraud investigator, I've seen these scams play out across every platform you can imagine. Social media, dating apps, online games, email threads. You name it, they’re running it.

And the kicker? The price tag. Romance scams are not just common. They are some of the most expensive scams hitting Americans today.

Let’s unpack how they work, who gets targeted, and how to stop falling for a love story written by a criminal.

The Cost of “Love”

In 2023 alone, people in the U.S. reported losing over one billion dollars to romance scams. That’s not a typo. Over 64,000 people came forward. The median loss was about two thousand dollars. But here’s the real gut punch. Some victims lost their entire savings, with individual losses hitting six or even seven figures.

In fact, romance scams now rank as the top fraud type for total financial losses reported to the FTC. That trend is holding strong into 2024 and beyond. The FTC says romance scams led to 823 million dollars in reported losses in 2024 so far. The FBI places the average loss per victim even higher at around thirty-six thousand dollars.

The bottom line? These scammers aren't sending cheesy love poems. They’re draining retirement accounts.

How the Scam Really Works

Romance scammers have a playbook. It’s calculated, rehearsed, and cruel. Here’s how it usually goes down.

Step 1: The Approach

It starts with a message. You might get a DM on Instagram. A like on your dating profile. A “friend request” from someone who looks like a model. But that’s not a real person. It’s a fake identity using stolen photos. Often it’s a military officer, a successful businessperson, or someone working overseas.

Step 2: The Hook

They message constantly. Compliment you. Ask about your day. Mirror your interests. Within days, they’re talking about soulmates, marriage, and forever. This is not love. It’s called love bombing. And it’s a psychological weapon.

Step 3: The Excuse

Now the excuses start. They say they can’t video call. Their camera is broken. They’re on an oil rig. They’re deployed in the military. Whatever the story is, it always ends with the same thing. They can’t meet you. Not yet.

Step 4: The Ask

The scammer builds up to a crisis. A medical emergency. A sick child. A frozen bank account. A fake investment opportunity. Suddenly they need your help. They beg. They promise to pay you back. They might even show you screenshots of fake bank transfers or fake investment returns.

And just like that, the scammer is in your wallet.

Step 5: The Drain

Once you send money, they keep asking for more. If you stop responding, they guilt trip you. Some even threaten to expose private photos in a tactic known as sextortion. Others use victims as money mules, tricking them into laundering stolen funds without even knowing it.

Who Gets Targeted?

You might think this only happens to older adults or people who are not tech-savvy. That’s not true. These scammers go after everyone.

The common thread? Vulnerability. These scammers know when people are lonely, grieving, or isolated. And they exploit it.
The Tools of the Trade

Scammers are not just smooth talkers. They are tech-savvy and organized. Many of them work in coordinated rings out of West Africa, Southeast Asia, and Eastern Europe. They use fake websites, stolen identities, AI chatbots, and money laundering pipelines.

They often instruct victims to send money through: Each method is chosen because it's fast, anonymous, and nearly impossible to reverse.
What You Can Do to Spot It
Here are the red flags that scream romance scam: If it feels off, it probably is.
Prevention and Recovery Tips
Final Takeaway

Romance scammers are not just out for a quick payday. They are running long cons that cost people their money, their dignity, and their trust. The emotional damage runs just as deep as the financial loss.

But knowledge is power. The more we expose their tactics, the fewer people they can deceive. So if something feels too good to be true, investigate. Ask questions. And never forget that real love does not ask for a wire transfer.